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Hometown: Spring Valley, OH
Blood Type: A
Social Security #: 398-24-0988
Visa: 2299-3794-7474-3208 / security code: 567 / expiration date: 02/09
Debit card pin #: 2905

This type-B ‘Capriquarius' likes stopping for refreshments on the way, and winning things.
He cannot find his sunglasses.
He swears they were just here.
Oh they were on his head.
He has nine toes due to an otherwise good evening.
Leaving tips is something he is good at.
Reading manuals is something he likes to do, but does not think you will be impressed by.
In the time it takes you to read this sentence, 4,000,000 cells in his body will have died off.
He has almost died 6 times, which has given him a profound understanding and appreciation for what it means to truly be alive, and made his ego swell to an unacceptable size.
He is slow about doing dishes, letting them stack slightly higher than you might expect them to.
He used to wear a rubber chicken hanging from the wallet in his back pocket, but then later he stopped.
If he could fly, he would do so more often than just birthdays and other celebratory events.
He can't hold candles very often.
This is his final offer. Take it or leave it.

Justin Johnson once yelled "orca" in an ocean full of seals.

Adam grew up in a suburb of Detroit. He was raised by two very loving and supportive parents, and has an older brother he has never fought with.

Adam then received a Bachelor of Arts in Theatre Arts from a small liberal arts college.

He has lived a fairly sheltered and privileged life, and doesn’t know where his sense of humor comes from.

Paul Natonek peaked in High School. He was voted Prom Prince his junior year, then followed up his reign with a crown as Homecoming King and repeat as Prom King during his senior year. He also ran the opening kickoff of his first football game his senior year in the brand new Al Stockman stadium 99 yards for a touchdown. Paul attended Kalamazoo College where he received his B.A. in Psychology.

After an attempt to make a comeback during college, Paul's popularity and prowess waned and he went into seclusion at his parents' house in Michigan. He then moved to Los Angeles and has been honing his skills for his big comeback, but many believe he has missed his Golden Years and has unfortunately entered his Twilight Years.

You know what they say, "The biggest stars, shine half as long", and it was the first star that said, "I’m not here for a long time, I’m here for a good time!" before he slammed a shot of ‘Jamo’, chugged a Miller Lite and slammed the bottle into a white dwarf.

Dustin is the kind of person who hates to write about themselves. He'd probably tell you that he wouldn't want to write any sort of Bio. "This is lame you guys" he'd likely say to his teammates. "For one thing" he might wonder "shouldn't it be called an Autobio?" That is if he were writing it himself. Which is something he would not do. Because as we have established, he hates to write about himself.

Which is why I, the anonymous scribe of these lines, have taken on the task of summing up the mysterious and complicated history of Dustin Sterling. He is an Ohioan, a Comedian, a Frisbee Enthusiast, a Pop Culture Library, a Handsome Bastard, and a Sexual Dynamo. You see I can say such things about the man. I'm completely impartial. I merely transcribe what I have witnessed with my own third person omniscient eyes. So don't blame me for recording it here, blame the Heavens for placing this god among mere mortals.

There are you guys happy now?

The money behind the funny.